So this is only my second blog post for 2011 and we're looking at June 1 here. I'd crack a joke about where the hell did the year go but for the most part if you follow me you already know that answer. But if you are one of the few that has not been unfortunate enough to have been in my loop (lucky you!) know that my mid-winter sickness crap demanded me to put my "extroversion button" on pause and, quite frankly, I wasn't ready to take it off until now. The healing process required me to severely limit my energy expenditure and to give myself some much-needed room to putz. And in all that convalescing I admitted to myself that somewhere within the past few years I had gotten, shall we put it, really lost. 

Oops. Wow, can't believe I did that one again! (How much therapy have I had?! Damn!)

Since that uber-repeat light bulb moment I have been making a concerted effort to take more time to consider where I am going so that ultimately I can begin to get a clue as to what I'm really all about. 2011 has been a time for me to shut up and listen to myself; to hear what my inner guidance system actually has had to say rather than soliciting and acting on the opinions of others. (Tip: if you need to conserve your energy, this is a great place to start. It's amazing how much LESS tired you feel when you stop doing all those things in your life based on what others think!)

I'm gently changing course, dabbling here and there, holding myself back from jumping into things without thinking it through, and getting back in touch. I'm also trying not to be so damn hard on myself and patient when old habits, belief systems, and fears rear their ugly heads. (Hey, I'm not perfect, though a good part of me still wants you to believe I am.)

So I'm off to putz some more for the long weekend. But before I go, here is a picture of the rose bush in my garden that hasn't bloomed in over two years because it never got enough of whatever it needed. I always thought it needed more sun but based on the weather we've been having, it would seem that wasn't as much the problem. It smells absolutely amazing, but not as amazing as the honeysuckle next to it.